🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?